Johnny Tremain Meets Halo
by figgitywookie6
Summary: I got this idea when I was thinking about wars of the past and wars of the future. Johnny Tremain wakes up from a long sleep and finds himself in the future as the Master Chief- John 117. See the connection?
1. Chapter 1

**Don't expect to read a lot. This chapter is short as can be. I don't intend to make a big plot, mostly just mindless spoofing humor, although this beginning won't make it seem that way.**

"John? John, are you awake?"

The hauntingly familiar voice made Johnny Tremain wake up. He tried to open his crusty eyelids, but for some reason it was extremely hard to. It was if he had slept longer than he ever had in his life. _Who is calling me? _he wondered. _…Cilla? Where is she?_

It was all a blur last night. He had been walking along the edge of Boston as usual, when suddenly, out of nowhere, this blinding light appeared. It came in spinning, much like a chaise wheel, out of thin air. He remembered stumbling backwards, looking through the light, and seeing something. Images of warfare, with strange-looking beings marching and holding flashing weapons. There were also humans, although they didn't quite look human, they looked like interesting pieces of green metalwork. They held these muskets, these bulky muskets, that made a lot of noise and lit up too. And it looked like they were shooting lead balls endlessly.

That was when the weirdest part happened. One of those human-devices, one that was larger than all the others, had stepped through the portal, looking directly at Johnny. It had said something. What was it? It was in a weird accent… Oh yeah.

"So you're my ancestor."

That's what he said. At least, it sounded like a man. He said this through a yellow shiny surface where his face was supposed to be. Then he had grabbed Johnny, who was too dumbfounded to run away or resist. He had tucked the boy underneath his strong, metal arm, and walked through the light.

Passing through the light, Johnny had wondered if this was dying. Passing through heaven's gates might be passing through this light. He could be joining his mother and Rab soon. This could be an angel that was taking him to heaven.

He didn't know how wrong he was on the whole 'heaven' thing. (He was somewhat right about this man being an angel, though 'godsend' is more fitting.)


	2. Chapter 2

"Johnny!" Cilla's voice picked up, bringing his focus back to the present situation.

Johnny sat up, looking around at his surroundings. There were wires on the walls. _Wait…wires… How do I know that's what they're called?_ And suddenly, he seemed to know the names of a lot of weird mechanisms in there. That over there was a shield regenerator. That long tanning bed-looking device was a transporter (although someone apparently used it, as there was steam coming out of its side vents, which meant excess from used energy was emptying out).

But the weirdest thing was how Johnny was in one of those weird suits he saw. The same one of the huge stranger that carried him through the portal.

"Cilla?" he called out. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here." The voice came from a small blue chip plugged into a little container next to the preservation bed he was lying on. He looked at it, and Cilla was there, alright. Except it wasn't Cilla; it was a blue hologram of her.

"Aah! Cilla! You're a ghost!" he shouted.

"No, no I'm not. I'm actually an entity representing the artificial intelligence deployed by the UNSC-"

"Yeah, that's all good Cilla. Where am I?"

"You're in the future."

"Wow, really?"

"Yes."

Johnny knew he would be facing some major culture shocks. "Are we still in Boston? Still in America?"

"Actually, no. We're in Africa."

"Hey, little Jehu came from here!"

The blue Cilla glanced around. "Yeah, uh, Johnny? Don't talk about that."

"Why n-"

Just then a large, muscular-looking black man walked into the room. He had a cigar in his mouth and was wearing a standard army-green outfit, complete with a cap on his head. "Good. You're awake. Cortana, are you introducing Sleeping Beauty here to the future, otherwise known as hell?"

"Yes sir, Major Johnson."

Johnny looked relieved. He sat up, and suddenly felt quite awkward in this suit. "Excuse me," he called to the black man. "Excuse me, Negro? Yes, can you run a bath and help me out of this suit? And make it fast."

"_What _did you just say to me?" the black man asked angrily, somehow still keeping the cigar in his mouth. What, was it glued there?

"I said make it fast, boy."

"You Revolutionary son'bitch…" Johnson cursed. "Cortana, remind him that we have _rights, _even in the middle of an intergalactic war."

"Blacks have rights, Johnny," Cilla said to him.

Johnny was confused. "What? How is the world functioning properly, then?"

Major Johnson walked out of the room. "I don't have time for this. And Johnny? Don't you recognize me? It's me, Jehu. Look who's in command now, bitch."


	3. Chapter 3

"Johnny," Cilla sighed, "you can't talk to black people like that."

"Why not?" Johnny asked.

"Oh, I don't know, because, like, half the people in this army are black. We are in Africa, after all." Then she got a thoughtful expression. "Come to think of it, the other half is mostly British people. And then there's even some Asian guys. But hardly any whites… And all the women talk like they come from the ghetto."

"Hey Cilla," Johnny asked, "why is it that I know what everything here is called, and I'm talking funnily?"

"Because you were brought into the future, you needed to know everything about the present time. Otherwise you would go apeshit and jump off a cliff or something. So, as you were sleeping in that hibernation bed over there, military software loaded with information on practically everything about here and now- we used Wikipedia a lot, so sorry if some of the facts are messed up- was biologically downloaded into your brain. Now you know everything about the present time."

Johnny stared hard into space, imagining this process. It all seemed so complicated. "How can you tell I know everything?" he asked.

"What's the meaning of life?" Cilla asked.

"Marijuana, sex, and Chuck Norris."

"You're thinking like a modern man alright."

"Cilla?" Johnny wondered. "Why am I here?"

"…It's a long story. And I'm really not the right person to ask. But you're important here. More important than you were back in Boston. More important than you'll ever be in any other time. If you want an explanation, you'll want it from the man who was your predecessor."

"And that would be…?"

"That would be me," a gruff voice answered from behind him. Johnny turned around and saw the same giant green man that had carried him through the portal. "Do you know who I am?" the green robot-guy asked him.

"Clint Eastwood?"

"What? No. I am the Master Chief- John 117. Humanity's last hope for survival. And you are my ancestor. Welcome to the future, Johnny Tremain."

Johnny stared at him. "Say whaaaaaaaat?"


	4. Chapter 4

Master Chief pulled up a nearby stool, sat down and sighed. "I guess I should elaborate more. You are a very old ancestor of mine, something like a past version of me. We are biologically related, and have many of the same traits due to similar DNA."

Johnny took this in. "Okay… I guess that's not too far of a stretch… But then why did you kidnap me?"

Suddenly a man wearing a gray business suit poked his head in through the door. "Kidnap?" he asked.

Another man poked his head out the ceiling vent. "Kidnap?"

A third man popped up from behind the hibernation bed. "Did someone say kidnap?"

"Uh, no, no, no kidnapping," Master Chief said nervously. "A total willingness to come to this location existed by the child's terms."

All three men squinted their eyes at him and slowly slid back into the places they had appeared. The man behind the hibernation bed hissed at Master Chief as he lowered his body down.

Master Chief leaned in close to Johnny. "Would you mind not using the word 'kidnap'?" he whispered. "There are, like, zero children in this future for some reason, and the damn CPA is desperate for cases. They come here because they know about the program I was forced into."

"And what program was that?"

"…The Jenny Craig diet and exercise program," Master Chief said ashamedly, looking at the ground. "I was hungry…so hungry… But they wouldn't let me eat anymore… There were some who didn't make it at all…" He got lost in his memories for a few more seconds, then shook his head. "But that's in the past, and we need to focus on the now." He focused on Johnny with a gaze so intense that, even though the golden visor was in the way, the boy could feel the man's eyes staring right into his soul. "Johnny, I kidnapped- I mean, brought you here to the future because you are needed."

"Needed for what?"

"To fight a war, and lead the world to victory."


	5. Chapter 5

Uh oh, Johnny thought. This sounds like work.

"Wh-why would you pick _me_ to lead a war?" he stuttered. "I'm just a kid!"

"You didn't seem to be thinking that during the Revolution back in your time," Master Chief pointed out.

"Yeah, well, uh, hrrm…um…mmmm…" Johnny mumbled, having no good explanation.

"What was that?"

"I said it's impossible. I'm by no means a leader."

"Really? Didn't seem that way when you were acting like the boss around Dove and Dusty-"

"Okay, you know what? What happened to forgetting about the past?"

Master Chief shook his head.

Johnny was starting to get frustrated. "Look, I get that I might be your ancestor, and you might be the leader here, but honestly, I'm only fifteen. How could I cope with killing people here, in the future?"

"You're not killing people."

This startled the boy. "Huh?"

"People aren't the enemy in this war, Johnny," Cilla explained.

"The Covenant is," Master Chief said darkly.

"…The Covenant?" Johnny echoed.

"Yes. They are a massive collaboration of alien species bent on destroying the human race just so they can worship this religion that will end up killing them all."

"Wow," Johnny remarked. "They sound like retarded assholes."

"I like this kid," Master Chief told Cilla. He turned back to Johnny. "That's exactly the kind of thinking we need from you, soldier. Now, even though they are dickheads, the Covenant is not to be underestimated-"

"Wait a minute," Johnny interrupted. "Why is the Covenant attacking the human race in the first place?"

Master Chief sighed. It was time for the truth to come out. "In the future, Earth becomes too populated. Needing to move humans to other planets that could support life, we took advantage of the newly-discovered way to travel through space, called slip-space travel. We formed colonies on planets far out of the solar system that were hospitable, and it seemed everything would be fine."

"But one day," Cilla continued for him, "a ship that was from one of the furthermost colonies came into contact with an alien ship. Friendly communication was to be established at first, but then a mistake happened. A very old recording device known as a compact disc had recently been found deep within humanity's data archives and had been shipped out to the colony. The title of the disc: _Justin Bieber My World 2.0_."


End file.
